??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wanna go halves on a baby?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
