Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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