I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
