Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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