dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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