I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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