I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
