Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
