So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
