We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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