Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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