But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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