i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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