There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
