Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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