Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
