dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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