When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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