I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
