I cut my penus on the lid.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
