I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
