I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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