he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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