why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
