Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize