It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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