Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
