It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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