so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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