i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
