So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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