Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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