I just made out with a guy for $7.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
