yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
