you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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