nut hugger
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
