i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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