i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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