doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
