I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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