Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize