ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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