We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i now understand why vodka
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
