I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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