Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
