they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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