My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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