It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
