She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
