My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
