do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
