maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
