It's Friday. Sex?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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