dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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