Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
