i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
