You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize