You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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