i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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