It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
