home. puking in laundry basket.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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