I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
