420 ftw
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
