Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
True strength comes from lack of pants
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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