worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
