i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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