I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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