I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I skipped work to stalk him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize