Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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