she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
