If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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